la_ebbie (la_ebbie) wrote,

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long update

This week has been stressful. I don't think I've ever had as many tests and tons of homework in my life and I'm about to do it all again starting tomorrow. *sigh*

This weekend was nice though. We got to go see Hannah's dance recital yesterday night. I'm not big into modern dance but her piece was nice.

Afterwards we went to Logan's Steakhouse. The waitress kinda annoyed me though. She kept giving everyone at our table (Jacqueline, Daniel, and Ryan) refills but not me. After about the third time they got refills I asked her could I get another Coke and then she finally brought it out to me. When it came time for our food to be served another waiter who was helping her serve dropped one of my chicken tenders on the floor and then said "Sorry I'll go get you another one." But he never did. Daniel was also supposed to get fried onions on his steak and some kind of mushroom side dish but they never brought that either. So I ended up not tipping. I don't know for some odd reason that really bothered me. I mean if me and my friends are going to pay $10+ for a meal I expect to get everything that goes with it and if you can't get it or ran out of it tell me that before I order. I was going to say something but then I chickened out. Besides we had a large party at 3 different tables she didn't need or deserve my tip.

Jacqueline, Katy, and me also went to the mall and Target today. I've been eating too much chocolate. Katy got these Bailey's Irish Cream Filled Chocolates (non-alcoholic but they really do taste like it). Not my favorite but interesting.

Church has been nice too lately. I've been meeting tons of new people so that's cool and I got invited to a Christmas party Friday so I'm stoked about that. Usually its like "Hey you're Ryan and Hannah's friend you can come too!" I think I'm becoming more outgoing which is nice.

I'm also thinking about doing this mission trip in Manhattan as well. Our college ministry is helping some other churches who can't afford renovating or starting new sister churches Spring Break. It'll cost $125 for the plane ticket to and from NYC, meals, and hotel included. We'll work for 4 days I think and then we'll get two free days in the city (obviously you have to pay for that yourself). I really want to go cause when else could you afford NYC at that price? But at the time I feel guilty because my first reaction is like "Wahoo! I could go to New York!" not "Wahoo I get to help people!". I mean I've always wanted to do a mission trip. I'm not a preacher and I'm not good with words so I always knew if I went I'd be going to help someone instead. I just want my heart to be in the right place if I go.

Anyways in another secretive way that I can't say, its also cool that things are getting back to normal here. I've missed some of my friends and I'm glad they're comfortable to come and talk to me again like they used to. I've had dreams about the situation. Don't know how I feel about it. Its weird.

Another thing, I know in a few days I'll be getting one of the hardest phone calls I will ever have to answer. I wrote my mom a letter. Its everything I've been wanting to say for the past 8 years of my life. I keep hiding that stuff somewhere deep and dark in my soul and my mind but I'm tired of keeping it quiet. I have emotional issues and I don't want to feel that way forever. I have to be me. I want her to be proud of me but I have to do what's right for myself as well. I am slowly becoming a new person. I want more from life than just forced religion. I want good friendships and relationships with the opposite sex that don't involve me being one of these extremes: neediness or very distant and cold. I can't believe I mailed that off. I wish I could take it back but then again I don't.
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