la_ebbie (la_ebbie) wrote,

getting older scares me

Not much has been going on with me lately. I've been working at Womack Lane on campus as a desk assistant so yay for me because that's mean I will some money soon. It also means I can pick up doing the zine again. The theme is going to be "life". You know kinda like putting it into perspective for people my age. The beauty of love, loss, addictions, vices, redemption, religion, relationships, etc. I'm not going to elaborate until I start taking submissions because I'm just going to do it. I always have great ideas but I never follow through so this is something I'm just gonna do. Plain and simple.

In other news I've been thinking a lot about becoming 21. Recently its hit me. I'm in my 20s but you would never know it. When I talk to friends and family my age I look at myself compared to them and think I've never really made that transition from teenage girl to a young woman. So many people I know are getting married, having babies, and about to start their careers and its seriously freaking me out. I am afraid to grow up. Sure I want all those things too eventually but I honestly have a fear of growing up. Taking care of all my own bills, finding a place to live, working a 9-5 job, is a very serious reality I'll face when I graduate and I'm not looking forward to it. How will I make new friends outside a scholastic setting? How will I do socially? How will I become professional and network in my profession? How do you go about not being afraid of these things? I thought about it for a while and decided I need to get out more, alone. I am too clingy sometimes and I have a constant need to be around people. In the past couple of years I've have always latched onto my mother or friends to make me happy in a social kind of way or to satisfy my constant need not to be bored. Don't get me wrong I love all my friends in the Boro. They are great people who make me laugh and I like them all, but I really don't have anything in common with most of them. In the past year, a lot of times I'd hang out with them just because I really hate being alone or lonely by myself. There is something quite wrong with an individual who hates to spend time alone with themselves.

I need to try new things and get back into the things I once loved. I think taking some art classes in the Spring or in the summer up in Nashville at Vanderbilt or Watkins would be nice. They have classes teaching you how to make various kinds of art like sculptures, ceramics, jewelry, drawing and painting. Those are all things I've been wanting to to try for the longest time but just never did because I didn't have anyone to go with (and was too shy). I also would like to explore the city more. Nashville has some great art exhibits, concerts, shows, restaurants, and churches I'd like to go to. Spending a little time up in Nashville every week will give me an opportunity to hopefully broaden my social circle, enjoy the sights, and gain a little maturity by learning how to navigate around the city (cause trust me Nashville construction can be a handful.)

But yeah I've said enough for the day.
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